Grief During the Holidays

December 12, 2025

When the Chair Is Empty, but the Love Remains

Written By: LaTreece Ross, M. Ed., LPC

The holidays have a way of magnifying everything.


Joy feels louder.

Memories feel closer.

And grief—grief feels heavier.


You may be preparing for the upcoming holiday knowing that someone you love will not be sitting around the table this year. Their chair is empty. Their laughter is missing. Their unique presence—the way they showed up, joked, prayed, cooked, or wrapped gifts—is no longer there.


Maybe this is the first holiday without them.

Or maybe it’s been years, and the ache still shows up right on schedule.


Family dynamics may still feel unsettled since the COVID pandemic. Traditions shifted. Relationships changed. Some bonds never quite returned to what they were. And now, you’re navigating grief on top of disconnection.


You may be missing Mama’s cooking, wishing for one more plate made with love.

You may be watching Granny’s dementia slowly arrest her memory, noticing she doesn’t always recognize who you are anymore—and that loss is happening in real time.

You may be grieving someone who is physically gone, emotionally changed, or no longer able to show up the way they once did.


And sometimes…

You’re just trying to survive the holiday meal while eating your Aunt’s potato salad —the one nobody really asked for.

Help us, Lord.


If you’ve ever found yourself wishing the holiday would just be over already, please know:  You are not ungrateful, inadequate, or mishandling your grief. You are human.

Why the Holidays Can Hurt So Much?

Grief doesn’t follow a calendar, but holidays act like emotional magnifying glasses.

They:

  • Highlight who is missing.
  • Trigger memories tied to food, music, and traditions.
  • Bring expectations to “be happy” when your heart feels anything but.
  • Remind you of what used to be—and what may never be the same again.

 

Grief can show up as sadness, irritability, exhaustion, numbness, guilt, anger, or even laughter followed by tears. All of it belongs.

So… How Do You Cope With the Hole in Your Heart?

There is no one “right” way to grieve. But there are gentle, grounding strategies that can help you move through the holidays—not erase the pain, but soften its edges.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

You don’t have to force cheer. You don’t have to “power through.”

It’s okay to:


  • Cry in the bathroom
  • Step outside for air
  • Leave early
  • Laugh one moment and grieve the next

 

Grief is not a straight line—it’s a wave. Let it move through you without being unkind to yourself.

2. Redefine What the Holidays Look Like This Year

This season may not look like it used to—and that’s okay.

You may choose to:


  • Start a new tradition.
  • Keep some traditions and release others.
  • Spend less time with certain people.
  • Celebrate quietly.
  • Volunteer, travel, or keep it low-key.

 

You are allowed to adjust expectations based on where you are emotionally, not where others think you should be.

3. Set Loving, Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are not punishment—they are protection.

It’s okay to say:


  • “I’m not ready to talk about that.”
  • “I’ll come, but I can only stay for a short time.”
  • “I’m choosing something different this year.”
  • “I need space today.”

4. Honor Your Loved One in a Way That Feels Right

You don’t have to “move on” to move forward.

You might:


  • Light a candle.
  • Set aside a moment of prayer or reflection.
  • Make their favorite dish.
  • Share a memory
  • Write them a letter
  • Say their name out loud.
  • 

Love doesn’t disappear—it transforms

Let Laughter Be a Soft Companion in Your Healing

Laughing does not mean you didn’t love them enough.

Sometimes humor is survival.


Yes—you may miss Mama’s cooking and secretly wish someone else had brought the mac and cheese , lol!!

Yes—you may cry in the car and then laugh at something random five minutes later.


Both can exist

Gentle Affirmations for the Holidays

You may want to return to these as often as needed:


  • “ Your grief is valid, and so is your need for peace".
  • "You are allowed to grieve in your own way and in your own time".
  • "You can honor your loved ones while still caring for yourself".
  • "It is okay if this season looks different".
  • "You do not have to be “okay” to be worthy of love and belonging".
  • "You are doing the best you can with what you have".

 Gentle Reflections for the Holiday Season

  • What feels most challenging for you during this holiday season, and what does your heart need right now to feel supported?
  • In what ways can you honor your loved one—or your grief—while also tending to your own well-being during this season?

A Final Word

If the holidays feel heavy this year, please know—you are not alone.


Grief during the holidays isn’t a sign of ingratitude—it’s a reflection of how deeply you have loved. And love always leaves its imprint.  💞.


Be gentle with yourself.

Protect your heart.

Honor your journey.


And if all you do this season is show up for yourself—that is more than enough


With warmth and compassion,

LaTreece Ross, M.Ed., LPC

LaTreece Ross Counseling Services

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